


A One Time Thing

by smallumbrella



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, David and Stevie are soulmates, Face-Fucking, Fucking, Jake's an unapologetic fuck machine, Multi, Stevie Budd/Jake (Schitt's Creek)/David Rose, Threesome - F/M/M, non-romantic of course
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:06:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24060292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallumbrella/pseuds/smallumbrella
Summary: After Jake suggests a throuple, David and Stevie make a decision. It's in the title. I think you know what's up.
Relationships: Stevie Budd & David Rose
Comments: 24
Kudos: 87





	A One Time Thing

_Let’s all be with us_ is possibly the most ridiculous string of words Stevie has ever heard, but that doesn’t stop the surge of heat that floods her groin when Jake says it. She’s shaking her head no, and so is David, but there is a current of _yes_ flowing up her thighs. She senses there might be a yes in David as well, but she’s pretty sure that’s not the first thing he’s going to want to talk about. After Jake leaves the Cafe, Stevie slides to the middle of the booth and braces herself.

David raises a finger and says, “To be clear, you were going to go on a date with him, knowing he had just broken up with me?”

She squints, her mouth feels weird. “No, I wasn’t.”

“Uh. Ya showed up. For the date.”

“No I didn’t.” _Fuuuuck this feels so gross,_ she thought.

David is losing patience. “You’re literally here in the restaurant.”

Through the fakest smile imaginable she says, “Because I was going to tell him that I was breaking up with him.” _God, what a terrible liar! David won’t believe that! Will he forgive her?_ Stevie hates all of it so much.

“Oh, okay.” David says it softly, completely unconvinced. He puts his chin in his hand and just waits her out.

“Yeah, fine. But if it makes you feel any better nobody hates me more than me. Generally speaking.”

“Fair enough.” David smirks, his eyes warm and amused. “I would’ve done the same thing.”

Johnny comes back to the table and takes their order. They stay quiet until he delivers their food and leaves them alone. Stevie wants to squirm out of her skin.

“David, I want you to know that I am sorry for meeting him, and I probably should’ve warned you about him right from the start. He does have a rep in this town.”

David waves his hand in the air, dismissing her concern. “Stevie, it’s not a big deal. I was pretty clear on his vibe right from the start. He did kiss us both on the same night at Mutt’s party, I just didn’t know he’d continue...” David pauses and takes a sip of his drink and rolls his eyes. “As if I thought we were exclusive!”

Stevie pokes at her plate with a fork. “You know, I can’t even really be mad at Jake.”

“No, I know, right?” David gestures with a french fry in his hand. “I mean, an unapologetic fuck machine is kind of who he is.” He shrugs one shoulder. “He’s literally a hedonist. I sort of admire his whole vibe.”

Stevie starts to relax. This is just another thing they have in common. “Exactly. He literally doesn’t care about anything but what feels good. I think it only got weird because you and I were not aware of the fact that we were both involved with him.”

David nods, frowning slightly. “Yes! I didn’t— I didn’t like feeling in competition with you, like he is some sort of prize that we should be grateful for or…”

“I know! We’re both…” Stevie gestures between them with her fork.

David gives a single emphatic nod. “We’re fucking awesome. And hot! He’s lucky we deemed him worthy!”

They grin at each other across the table and clink their glasses together, toasting their obvious hotness. Stevie takes a bite of food and says carefully, “I’m not even really put off by the idea.”

“Mmhmm.” David makes an affirmative sound. He studies his plate.

Stevie watches David closely and says, “I just don’t like him thinking he’d be the driver of the whole thing you know?"

David looks up at her and lifts one eyebrow. “Mmhmm. _Theoretically,_ as one small woman with two big guys, you’d have to… I get that. I wouldn’t be opposed…”

Heat is crawling up her chest into her neck now. “ _Theoretically,_ I’d want to...take the lead.”

David’s face is turning a lovely shade of pink, his eyes are bright and intense. He presses his lips together. They speak at the same time.

“Um, David what if...”

“Stevie, maybe we can…”

Stevie says, “What?”

This feels delicate. They’re dancing around it like neither wants to be the one to take this out of the hypothetical zone and into reality. But she can feel her desire for it becoming more and more clear. She didn’t know before, that this was something she wanted, didn’t know she _could_ want this, but she does. God, she really does.

“Well, what if… ” David trails off.

And here’s David, mirroring the way she feels, looking very interested and very nervous. She’s fairly certain that he wants this too. Another wave of heat flashes through Stevie’s body. Maybe she can have this.

Stevie breathes out and says, “Like, what if… we did?”

David’s inhales and his eyebrows go up. “Yes. But like. But just… ”

Stevie is slowing nodding, a motion so small it’s barely perceptible. “But just, like, once?”

David is nodding too, he repeats, “Just once.”

Once is smart. It could get too complicated otherwise. And lack of romantic love between them aside, they are too close, their relationship too important, to put at risk.

They sit looking at each other and Stevie’s eyes are serious and she points to the table. “But, like, now.”

It has to be right now. Given any more time to think about it she’ll talk herself out of it. The heavy, gravitational pull of desire and the powerful lifting sensation in her chest will fade away and she’ll wonder why she ever considered it.

David’s eyebrows go even higher. “Right now?”

“Yeah. I think it has to be right now. Text him. Right now. Or never.”

David eagerly pulls out his phone, but then holds it face down on the table. “Are you sure?” He’s as concerned as she is. That’s a good thing. “Our friendship…”

Stevie softens. She digs deep for all the sincerity she can muster. “Our friendship is the important thing David, the most important thing…” She puts both palms on the table. “Okay look. There are two questions. One, do you want to do this?“

David grimaces.“I kind of do, yeah.” He rolls his eyes at himself and says, “But Stevie, you mean…”

Stevie cuts him off. “Question two, do you think our friendship is solid enough to do this together?”

She watches his face change. The tension and uncertainty vanish. He smiles his lopsided smile, making a dimple appear in his left cheek. “Stevie. I do think our friendship is solid enough. I really do. Do you?”

“I do. And I want to reassure you, beyond any and all doubt, that seeing your big ol’ dick isn’t going to give me a case of the feels for you, okay?”

David pretends to be offended. “Okay!”

Stevie nods at David’s phone. “Text him.”

David does.

They don’t finish their meals. They pay their dinner bill and go stand on the sidewalk in front of the Cafe. Stevie gestures to David’s bag. “Do you have like…?”

“Condoms and lube? I thought I was going on a date with Jake. I have _all_ the condoms and lube.”

“Okay, good, good.”

“And we’ll be with Jake. He buys that stuff in bulk.”

They look at each other and laugh nervously. David’s phone pings and they both stop laughing abruptly.

***

They walk back to the motel and Stevie’s whole body feels light, ungrounded.

She bumps shoulders with David, who throws his arm around her shoulder and gives her a quick squeeze before letting her go. He says, “At any point if either of us want to bail, we bail okay?”

Stevie snorts, “Of course! I do not have a problem leaving Jake with his dick out.”

David barks out a surprised laugh, and then they’re both laughing, hard. Stevie still feels light, but she’s back in her body. She feels calm and self assured.

When they catch their breath, Stevie says, “It’s gotta be in the love room right?”

David grimaces. “Ew, does it though?”

“I think if we’re gonna do this, we gotta lean all the way in.”

David sighs and nods his head. “Sounds about right.”

***

They are standing and restless when Jake comes to the door of the love room fifteen minutes later. He walks in, carrying a bag and smoking a joint, which he passes to Stevie after kissing her hello.

He pulls David close and breathes against his neck as a greeting. “I’m so glad you guys changed your mind.”

“This is a one time thing,” says Stevie, blowing out smoke and passing the joint to David.

“Just this once,” says David. He draws hard on the joint, finishing it.

Jake nods his head. “Okay, man. That’s cool.” He sets the bag on the desk and brings out condoms and lube, which he tosses on the bed. Stevie and David exchange a smirk. Jake goes back to the bag and pulls out two bottles. “I brought wine and whiskey. What’s your pleasure?”

David and Stevie answer together. “Whiskey.”

Jake pours them each a hefty amount and they click together the plastic motel cups.

Stevie says, “Hey, before we drink, I wanna be clear about something.”

The two men look at her expectantly.

Stevie suddenly feels very calm. They’re waiting for her, they’ll listen. And that, she realizes, is what has brought her here. It’s what she wants most of all. To command their attention. To have power over them.

Stevie says, “I’m driving.”

Jake and David don’t even blink. They immediately agree.

David says, “Of course.”

Jake says, “Not a problem.”

Stevie knocks back her whiskey and reaches for the bottle.

***

Jake is the first to start undressing. He sets his cup down, strips off his flannel and pulls his tank over his head. Stevie knocks back the last of her drink and takes David’s empty cup from his hand and sets both cups down. David tucks his fingers behind the button of Stevie’s jeans and pulls her close, he’s thumbing them open when Jake reaches for the hem of David’s sweater.

There’s a tangled dance of arms and legs and clothing as they undress each other. Stevie can’t stop looking at the contrast between the two men. David is all sweet, round muscle under soft olive skin, beside Jake’s sinewy, sun-kissed body. They’re exquisite. And right now, they belong to her. She feels a surge of proprietary pride. _Look how beautiful my boys are..._

David presses himself against Stevie’s back, moving her hair to one side, he dips his head and sucks her neck. Jake crowds into her front. He cups her face with one hand and David’s with the other, he tilts David’s face and licks into his mouth. Stevie watches, breathless, as he captures David’s full lower lip between his teeth. Jake turns and kisses Stevie then, holding David firm by the back of his neck, not letting him move away.

Stevie pulls out of the kiss. She lightly pushes Jake back and points to her feet. “Get on your knees.”

Jake falls to his knees and presses his face between her legs and inhales deeply. Another powerful thrill runs through Stevie. He _obeyed_ her. He runs his big hands up her thighs, lifts her leg over his shoulder and runs his tongue along the crease of her thigh. Her head falls back onto David’s chest. David plunges his hand into her hair and he tugs until she tilts back to kiss him. Oh, yeah, he’s good at this. Stevie had almost forgotten how well David kisses. His lips are so full and firm, wet and soft, she’d forgotten that. That she could kiss David for days.

Jake licks the flat of his tongue from her perineum to her swollen clit and dances there. Stevie’s knee buckles. David has her though, he wraps his arms around her ribs, lifts her up and tips her over onto the bed. She lands on her back and looks up at the mirror. Her soft body is all creamy, pale curves, her dark hair spread out on the garish red satin. She feels luscious. She feels like a goddess. She runs her hands over her body and watches the men.

Jake stays on his knees and reaches out for David. David steps to Jake and bends at the waist, he holds Jake’s face with both hands and kisses him messily. David moans and Stevie knows he can taste her in Jake’s mouth. Jake pulls out of the kiss and grabs greedily for David’s hips. Jake takes David’s cock into his mouth and drops all the way down. David grunts and Stevie can _feel_ it. She watches with hooded eyes as David holds Jake’s head thrusts into his mouth. David only thrusts a few times before he pulls him to his feet. Jake holds the back of David’s neck and kisses him. David puts his arms around Jake and grabs his ass, pulling him in and grinding against him. They writhe against each other for a moment and then David pulls away. They both turn to look at Stevie.

Stevie wants to draw it out. She wants to direct them to fuck each other in front of her, she wants to edge them both until they beg. Oh, she wants to make them beg. Beg for direction, beg to come. She wants to make them do things while she watches. But this is it. This is a one time thing and there’s not time for everything. Right now, what she wants more than anything, is to be full. She wants them on her. In her. For her.

She says softly, “David, up here.” She reaches for his hand and pulls him down beside her. She says, “Jake, you like toes yeah?”

Jake says “I like everything.”

“Of course you do. You start there.” She looks at David and he’s being so good, waiting for direction. “You’ll work your way down” David closes his eyes and nods. She then addresses both men, “You’ll meet in the middle. You can touch each other but neither of you is allowed to come. That’s mine. Make me come and I’ll tell you what’s next.”

Stevie can hardly believe what she heard herself say. That she was so specific. Like, exactly what she wants, dropped out of her mouth like she’d thought it through. She’s gratified to see the men snap to attention at her directness. Stevie feels soft and wet and electric.

She watches in the mirror as Jake kneels on the floor at the end of the bed. He grabs her ankle and runs his warm tongue along the arch of her foot. He rubs the sole of her other foot against his broad chest, the hair is ticklish and she can feel the hard nub of his nipple against her toes. A bright bolt of pleasure rushes up Stevie’s legs.

David is stretched out beside her. He presses his face into her neck and sinks his teeth into her shoulder while he runs a rough hand over her breasts. Her eyes flutter closed. She arches her back and moans. David’s hard cock is jutting into her hip and she drops a hand down to stroke it.

David gasps when she touches him. He breathes into her ear, “You’re so beautiful, Stevie. So strong, telling us what to do. You’re so fucking hot.” Stevie’s stomach swoops and she feels a strong flush of heat through her pelvis. He’s so good with words. She’d forgotten that part too. David always says the right thing in bed, always knows, he always just knows.

“Shut the fuck up and get to work.” She manages to grit out, smiling.

David chuckles low and grabs her jaw. He fucks his tongue into her mouth, kneading her breast and pinching a nipple. He’s thrusting into her hand. It’s rough and remarkable and a dizzying contrast to the soft heat of Jake’s mouth on her toes. She grabs David’s hair again and pushes his head down, pressing her nipple into his mouth. He bites. Stevie lets out a strangled groan and arches up into the pain.

Jake moves up her legs, his scratchy beard tickles and burns. He pulls at her leg until he gets his mouth on the soft skin behind her knee, he nips, then sucks a mark there. He reaches up, running his thumb between her labia and finding her clit.

Her lower back comes off the bed as she tilts her pelvis down to meet Jake’s thick fingers. Her thighs are splayed open now. Every nerve is alight, every muscle quivering. David is licking and biting his way down across her ribs, down her belly. Jake is running his tongue up the inside of her thigh, still working her clit. He slips two long fingers into her, curling up and getting that spot. That good, good spot. Stevie gasps. The muscles in her thighs spasm.

This is something she didn’t even know she needed. This power. To be desired like this, to have control over these beautiful men. She pushes David’s head down and gets a hold of Jake’s hair and pulls him up. She watches in the mirror as their mouths meet above her crotch. She pushes and pulls on the two men until they are side by side, between her legs then she pulls her knees up and open.

Then it’s all a blur of sensation. The vision in the mirror. Two heads between her legs. Their long limbs tangled together, grinding. Tongues and fingers, in her ass, on her clit, in her pussy, rubbing her g-spot, and her orgasm is coiling up and up and she digs her nails into David’s shoulder and the back of Jake’s neck. Her body arches violently, she grinds down and she cries out as she comes. It slams through her. Pleasure pulses through her, hips thrusting, thighs quivering, a long guttural moan scorching her throat.

She comes back to earth to David and Jake tangled together still between her legs. They’re kissing and grinding against each other. It’s gorgeous. These two men are so fucking gorgeous, and Stevie is not done with them yet.

She says, “Stop.”

They stop and look at her obediently. She stays quiet. She wonders how long they’d wait for her to direct them. The power is intoxicating. They want her. They want to do what she says.

“David, up here.” Stevie pats her chest. “I want you to fuck my mouth.”

David exhales noisily and he starts crawling up the bed.

“Jake, you’re gonna fuck me and you’re gonna finger David at the same time.”

“Oh, fuck yeah.” Jake gets to his knees.

David kisses her wetly, he whispers against her lips, “Let me know okay?”

God, she couldn’t love him more right now. He’s looking into her eyes and she knows he loves her and it’s the most amazing thing because she knows their friendship will survive this. She knows that they can do this incredibly erotic thing together simply because it feels good and they can and it doesn’t have to mean anything. That they can love each other this fiercely but not at all romantically. She never knew this could exist.

She shifts her body and pulls on him until David is straddling her shoulders. Jake has already put on a condom and is kneeling up between her legs.They’re both waiting for her command and that alone could make her come again. She briefly wonders if she’ll start seeking out threesomes that she can control like this.

David is still looking down at her. She taps his thigh and says “I’ll let you know.” He nods.

Stevie plants her feet flat on the bed and lifts her hips up for Jake and takes a deep breath. Her voice is hoarse when she says, “Come on.”

Jake slides his length into her at the same pace as David feeds his cock into her mouth. Their timing is perfect. Stevie’s eyes roll back and slip closed. She moans around David’s heavy cock. She pulls on his hips to get him moving and thrusts her hips to take Jake in deep.

Then it’s just... Happening. One of Jake’s big hands is on her ass holding her hips up, his fingers biting into the soft flesh as he drags his big dick in and out of her. David is thrusting into her mouth and grunting and it’s all so hot and it all feels base and primal and feverishly real. She hears David gasp.

Through her watering eyes she can see in the mirror that Jake is fingering David. David’s hips stutter and he grinds down on Jake’s fingers, then thrusts deep into Stevie’s mouth. He hits the back of her throat and that’s fine. That’s so fucking fine. She knows how to do this, knows she’s good at it. She loves the helpless, smothering feeling, the feeling of having no control but somehow complete control at the same time. Lips stretched, mouth full, the bitter taste in her throat, David’s good, strong musk in her nose.

Then there’s the sounds. The way David lets out a breathy ‘Uh’ on every thrust. The low, guttural growl that bursts from Jake’s chest. The squelch of Jake’s lubed fingers in David’s ass. The slap of skin on skin as Jake’s hips slam into her. Her own high whine as she tries to pull in tiny sips of breath on the out stroke.

Stevie’s mind is offline and it’s the most euphoric thing. She’s full. There’s no room in her for anything else. There’s just this. This fullness. This total obliteration. There’s no self. Just this body and satisfying this endless hunger to be filled up.

Jake is continuously moaning now, low and rough and David has started cursing and Stevie is going to come again. She can feel it spiraling up her thighs and down her belly. She moans and looks up at David. God he’s so fucking beautiful. He’s bracing himself now, with his hands on the wall behind the bed. His head is hanging down, his eyes are dark and hooded, he’s biting his lips. His moans are ramping up; he sounds gorgeous when he’s about to come. Watching the sensual, fluid roll of his hips as he thrusts pushes Stevie closer to the edge.

She can feel Jake’s forearm flex against her belly as he fingers David. David keens high and breathy, his hips stutter and he’s coming, hot and thick, down Stevie’s throat. She loves this part, loves feeling his cock throb and pulse against her tongue. She sucks and swallows, pulling everything out of him. Drool and come leak down her chin. She could do this forever. She owns him at this moment. He’s hers. Only hers.

David pulls out of her mouth and moves to climb off of her. Stevie grips his thighs and he looks down into her eyes, his brows raised. “Stay,” she pants. She likes being pinned in place by his weight on her chest. His gorgeous thighs bracketing her shoulders, his still hard dick against her chin and that perfect expanse of belly and chest above her. She could stay here indefinitely, held fast.

Jake takes control of her lower half. He grasps her hips with both hands now and pounds into her. She watches him in the mirror. What a magnificent beast he is. His head is thrown back, eyes squeezed shut and he’s a jack hammer. It’s all sensation, rough and big and full. So full. Stevie finds David’s eyes again. His eyes are bright, burning, watching her face. Loving her pleasure. He reaches back, skating his hand down her belly and _fuck_. David looks at her, eyes blazing, biting his lip. He traps her clit between two fingers and presses down and in.

Stevie’s orgasm detonates. Her vision whites out and she screams. She digs her nails into David’s hips. Jake shouts and thrusts hard, hips shuddering. He tilts forward and rests his forehead against David’s back. Then he grinds deep into Stevie on the last thrust, using his hands to jerk her hips up and down as he empties inside her.

Stevie is floating. Aftershocks ripple through her body. She wraps her legs around Jake and her arms around David’s hips and holds them tight in place. Jake is still leaning his head against David’s back, one of his arms around his waist, the other hand stroking Stevie’s arm. She’s not yet willing to let either man go. Wanting to feel this pinned down. This held. This full, for just a few moments more.

She releases Jake first, and he grips the base of the condom as he pulls out slowly. He backs off the bed and heads to the bathroom. Stevie opens her eyes and looks up at David. He’s still braced against the wall, his thighs are quivering with the effort of staying splayed and trying to keep his full weight off of her. He’s watching her face closely.

Stevie rubs her hands gently up and down his thighs a few times and says, “Okay.”

David climbs off of her and slides his long body down next to her. Jake returns with a warm washcloth he hands to David. Stevie blinks at this unexpected thoughtfulness from Jake. David doesn’t use the cloth on himself though. No. This man, this beautiful, strange, tenderhearted man, wipes it across Stevie’s brow, he dabs gently at her swollen lips, then he wipes her chin and neck and down between her breasts. David then gets out of bed and pulls the covers over her. He walks to the bathroom and rinses the cloth and cleans himself up.

Stevie stretches her arms over her head and watches Jake get dressed. She thinks that Jake actually might get it. He may understand that there’s a thing between her and David that he’s not a part of. He just might know to give them space. David comes out of the bathroom and finds his briefs on the floor. After he puts them on, Jake wraps his arms around him in a quick hug, kissing his shoulder, then his lips.

Jake says, “I’m gonna go.”

He moves away from David and crawls on the bed to kiss Stevie, he takes his time, sucking David’s taste from her tongue. He pulls away but keeps his face close to hers.

He pauses, looking into her eyes, then he murmurs, “Mmm, damn, baby.” Then he kisses her quick and gets off the bed. He walks to the door and looks back. He says, “This was outstanding. I know you said _once_ but. If you ever change your minds…”

He looks from one to the other. David finally says, “Good night, Jake.”

Jake tips a wink at Stevie then opens the door, throwing a good night over his shoulder before he closes it behind him.

David picks up his t-shirt and puts it on. He moves to his bag and takes out two water bottles. He finds Stevie’s t-shirt and hands it to her. After she pulls it over her head, David climbs into bed next to her and hands her a bottle of water.

“Drink this.”

Stevie says, her voice ragged from cock and coming, “Oh, you’re driving now?” She smirks at him.

David smiles at her. “Mmhm, yes, I drive aftercare.”

His eyes soften as he looks at her and it makes Stevie’s heart warm. He says, “You were amazing, Stevie. You were, like, really good at that whole— that whole…” He’s just gesturing now, words escaping him.

Stevie doesn’t really know what to do with that. It shouldn’t sound like a compliment but she knows it is. She knows it’s sincere coming from David.

They sip their water in silence for a while. Stevie doesn’t have the words to tell him that the weight of him on her chest, the weight of his love for her perched on her heart, made her feel safer and more powerful than she thought possible.

She finally says, “I couldn't have done it without you.” She means that she couldn’t be that brave, that commanding, that powerful, that open, that willing to say what she wants, without him there.

Stevie can’t look at him, knows he won’t be looking at her. Knows there are a thousand snarky things David could say in reply to that, and also that he absolutely won’t say any of them. He knows her. He knows what she means. He responds only by leaning his shoulder into hers, assuring her of his presence.

“I know you don’t— that we don’t— ” Stevie stalls out. Neither one of them knows how to converse comfortably about feelings. But it seems important right now, to say something out loud. She can feel David waiting for her to continue.

She starts again. “Did you know that, _theoretically,_ one friend can love another friend very much and not be in love with them?”

David smiles against the mouth of his water bottle and nods. “Yep, mmhmm, yes, I’ve heard about that.” He takes a sip of water, then says, “And did you know that, _theoretically,_ two friends can do something potentially damaging to their friendship but it just makes it stronger?”

Stevie is fidgeting with the bedspread and not looking at David. “Yes, I’ve heard that theory before. It only holds true for certain friendships though…”

David is looking straight ahead but Stevie can see him grinning out of the corner of her eye. He says, “Right, it has to be a friendship between two very cool, extraordinarily attractive people who’ve reached beyond BFF status.”

Stevie says, “Exactly. Like. Like, soulmate status. Non-romantic of course.”

Stevie feels David go still. She holds her breath. Maybe that was too far? Too much? She steals a glance at him.

“Precisely.” David’s voice is warm. He kisses her cheek suddenly and bounds out of bed. “I’m going to take a shower and I think my non-romantic soulmate should order a pizza.”

Relief pours through Stevie. She smiles and says, “Yes. That can happen, but only if my non-romantic soulmate is buying.”

“Ugh Stevie! I bought dinner at the Cafe.”

Stevie points at him. “I made Jake finger you!”

David squints at her. “You came _twice_.”

Stevie chews her lip. She nods. “Oh alright. I’m buying.”

David shouts, “HA!” and closes the bathroom door.

Stevie snorts laughter and picks up the phone. She’s definitely getting pineapple on half just to gross him out.

***

**Author's Note:**

> Can I say how much I adore this fandom? I'm delighted everyday at the seemingly endless variety of stories that show up here and I'm so happy to get to be a part of it. The world is weird right now. Being a part of this, reading and writing fic has been essential, for expression, for diversion, for community. I am grateful. 
> 
> Thank you Missgeevious for your invaluable beta skills. Like Thank you x infinity.


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